Mere Shadows

“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me….”

– Psalm 23:4 ESV

The training for my job as a tutor began with me participating in what is called “shadowing.” This is where you watch and follow how a co-worker would complete the job. The goal is to learn the ropes without being left to figure things out on your own. As I watched the employee complete her tasks, I took note of how she did certain things, and even thought of ways I could do some things differently from her. Even as a shadowee, I was becoming individuated, though I lacked full knowledge of the job, putting me at their mercy once I started tutoring on my own.

The phrase “shadow of death” really made me stop and think about its meaning, especially in light of the shadowing experience for my job. A shadow is not a real object, but a fragmented perspective — similar to the way someone would look in a mirror and see their reflection, knowing full well the image in the mirror is not them, but a close second. Likewise with our shadows. But unlike the mirror, which uses light to show us ourselves, the shadow is dark, where only silhouettes are seen, instead of the full details of our appearance.

When we encounter the “shadow of death,” we are actually facing a false perception of death, which is unlike the real thing — yet feels so real, as though death *were* actually happening to us.

When David was contemplating what it was like to walk through “the valley of the shadow of death,” he is essentially saying to God and himself, “This is the lowest point possible for me, emotionally and spiritually.” I liken it to Jonah’s prayer from inside the fish: “I sank down to the very roots of the mountains. I was imprisoned in the earth…. But you, O Lord my God, snatched me from the jaws of death!” (Jonah 2:6) Jonah was so “low” he was wearing seaweed for hair.

And yet, that is where God met David and Jonah — in the valley, which geologically speaking, is where the “roots of the mountains” begin. Jonah was likely in pitch darkness inside the fish, with no light of day in sight. There was no better time than then to call on the name of the Lord.

What David (and Jonah) considered to be the most painful and perhaps final moments of their lives were thankfully nothing more than a false perception. Though it felt like death, it would not be the last of them. And we are thankful, too, because like these men, we can approach shadows of death in our own lives, and cry out to God in the midst of our suffering. We can also know that He will meet us wherever we are at, and eventually, draw us out of the depth we are in.

Lord, I am having a moment where all I feel is sorrow and pain. It truly feels like death, but I know it is only a shadow, a false perception of my current reality. I thank you that even when I am walking through the darkest part of the valley, at the root of the mountains, or when I feel like I am sinking down to the lowest point fathomable, You are still with me. I long for your comfort and a miracle in my life, that I may know and see that Your hand is upon me. Your will be done, Amen.