“I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night – but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are as the same to you.”
-Psalm 139:11-12
Ten years ago today, I was standing in a cemetery…but it was not because I was going to do a Halloween prank on or in a graveyard. It was because my mother’s funeral was on Halloween.
One of my mother’s favorite songs of all time was “Darkness, Darkness” by The Youngbloods. Although she was 17 when this song came out in 1969, she had lived a life so far that had been tumultuous and traumatic. Yet she was also experiencing the exhilaration of the hippie movement, finding her freedom, discovering what her passions were, and enjoying a very unique moment in our cultural history.
By my observation, it’s pretty evident that every upside in life is usually flanked by downsides.
As I celebrate Halloween this year, her funeral a distant yet distinct memory for me, I also recount an incredible decade of so much pain and suffering as well as change and adaptation on my part. To me, my life would not truly be mine if darkness did not pervade it, not only in a mental/emotional way, but also in a spiritual way.
So when I think about God, and His place in all of this, my mind used to think: where is He in all of my pain? It seemed He was there to bless me in those good moments and times…but is he there when “bad” things happen to me, like when my mother dies, when I am diagnosed with cancer, or even when my husband leaves me for the unknown?
I’ve learned, not just through Scriptures like these, but through other experiences as well, that God is not only there for us when times are good. He is there even in our dark moments. When we cannot imagine climbing out of bed to endure yet another day of mental or emotional anguish. When instead of taking care of those around us, we’d rather sit alone in a room or closet with the lights off, with only a candle to light the darkness.
Genesis says something very telling in the first chapter. It repeats seven times, that when God created something in our world, that “it was good.” (I encourage you to read all of Genesis 1 for the specific context.) I started to get the feeling that perhaps, just maybe, there wasn’t anything He created that was bad…it didn’t feel good to experience the situation I found myself in, but it was necessary for my growth and evolution as a spirit having a human experience.
So, when we think about darkness, and in light of the verse, is it really a bad thing? Or just something our minds have constructed?
The first few verses of the Bible mention that the very first thing God created was light. So, naturally the question arises: what existed before that? The rational response? Probably darkness.
So, in my mind, God is indeed present in darkness. And not just literal darkness, but figuratively as well – the darkness that may exist in our mind, our beliefs, even our general outlook on life. God is omnipresent, so there is really no place to go to get away from him, no matter how much we may try to avoid Him or escape His grasp. This same chapter asks the rhetorical question: “Where can I go (to get away) from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?” (Psalm 139:7 NLT) (I added the parenthetical for clarity.)
So, as I think about the lyrics to that song my mom loved so much, I am filled with hope rather than longing or fear. Halloween is all about fear, and some like to be scared out of their socks on a day like this. But today, for me, I feel no fear. Why? I cannot give a discerning answer to this question, but I do know that there is no day in the calendar year, no event in our lives, and not one iota of our breath where He is not present…He may be underappreciated, but it doesn’t mean He’s not there.
I only hope we would remain aware that He is there, and never fear anything.
Not even Halloween.