“For the word of God is alive and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”
— Hebrews 4:12 (ESV)
I remember being about 14 years old, and I was hanging out around an older teen boy, whom I barely knew. I don’t remember the context for this much at all, but recall being with my sister and in the woods around my neighborhood. For some unknown reason, he decided to launch a Chinese star in my general, thankfully not specific direction, causing it to land around me, in a nearby tree. Needless to say, I was terrified, and could not understand how or why he would do this, knowing he could have hurt me. From what I remember, this guy was not exactly what you might call the cream-of-the-crop, though some considered him boyfriend material.
A couple of years later, I found myself in a situation with a guy who had no long-term interest in me. The pain I felt from his rejection led me to pick up a knife off the dining room table, and place it on my wrist. I considered the thought of taking the pain of rejection away easily; all I had to do was just make the effort. Thankfully, I did not.
Again, about twenty-five years later, now married and with children, I sat at my dining room table, once again feeling hopeless. I went to grab a knife, thinking, once more, that I could find an easy way out of my depression and constant anguish.
It was no coincidence these were all times in my life when I either did not know God at all (except that I believed He existed), or when I was not reading Scripture diligently, if at all, or in prayer. How remarkable it is how quickly the enemy will find an opportunity to surround us or find a home within us when we are not wearing the armor God has provided for us (Ephesians 6:10-18). I have found that Scripture is incredibly life-giving and is greatly encouraging. But when I’m holding onto inherited or self-created beliefs about who I am and how I should be living my life, the spiritual practice of reading, studying and praying through the Word of God becomes more of a burden than a delight, just one more thing to do to make God happy with me.
The past several months have been eye-opening for me. God made me realize the profound significance of placing Him and His Word to be the number one priority in my life everyday. Previously, I had been existing with my family as my idol, believing in being the “perfect” wife and mother, and had neglected the importance of being a believer who practiced their faith. I had just been “saved” before I was married and had children, yet this relationship between God and me had been placed last. And boy, have there been consequences for this! Too numerable to count. I won’t even begin to describe this here.
Suffice it to say, had I been in the Word of God diligently and joyfully, there is a ninety-percent — okay, seventy-five percent — chance the events that occurred over the past decade (and even as recently as this year) would have never happened. God really needed me to heed the calling of staying in His Word, and I neglected this, with incredibly grave consequences. What I would give to go back and correct this mistake!
I find it ironic that what God uses to refine us, to make us more like him, is much like (though not exactly the same) what I had desired to use to harm myself. A knife is, in effect, a sword that fits in the palm of our hand. How tragic it would have been if I had taken my life, only for my family to realize later that I had simply not been practicing the discipline of reading my Bible, in order to understand God’s will for my life.
The Word of God is a powerful instrument and tool by which the Lord touches us spiritually, intellectually and emotionally. There have been countless times when I did not know what to do as a Christian, yet I did not turn to His Word. Being lost, both in a physical and spiritual sense, is a frightening experience. But it’s also good to know we are never truly lost if we can find a Bible. It’s through Scripture we can rediscover, hopefully daily, our true north as we navigate this challenging world of ours.
