“…God’s peace…exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
-Philippians 4:7
I am one of the most self-protective people I know. I prefer intimate conversations, getting to know one person at a time. I like having privacy when talking with people about personal or sensitive subjects, or just in general. And I especially like it when others respect my expectations and my boundaries.
It’s virtually impossible to understand what true inner peace is about, or feel its complete value, when we allow others to intrude on our sense of self and yes, even allow them to compromise what we consider our standards. While this can sound prudish or preposterous to ask that others show respect towards our being, no one else can do this for us. Either we show self-respect, or we don’t have it at all. It’s not something we can impose on others, either, but we can choose the people with whom we interact.
Never think for a moment we are not without control in this situation. So many people, myself included, have thought having boundaries meant being mean, and rather than be perceived this way, it’s better for them to use, abuse, manipulate and even gaslight you.
But nothing is further from this truth.
Philippians instructs us well in this regard: “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” (2:4 NLT). Remembering that YOU are loved, valued and deserving of respect will ensure you have the peace of mind we all desire.
Proverbs declares as well that “a person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls” (25:28 NLT). Imagine yourself within that city, and without proper outside protection, we may cease to exist independently of others. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but where no boundaries exist, not only can “bad” things come in and influence us, but we can lose some of ourselves as well, and that includes our inner peace.
When we hold boundaries for ourselves and others, we tell the world, “I matter, and you do too. But God has given me the task to protect myself as best as possible, and you need to give me the space I need to feel safe and peaceful.” Please, never feel bad for doing this, and you may find that in the end, the respect you show yourself is what causes others to respect you. And God’s peace will shine within you as well.
***
Prayer: Lord, it’s so difficult to live in these times, where self-respect is often seen as pursuing personal interests above others, when some of us are just barely treading water to show ourselves a little bit of dignity. Help us, God, to demonstrate to others that our needs and desires matter, just as much as anyone else’s. Help us to understand and empathize with the space and time that others need, so that we can receive the same in return in our own times of need. Creator God, enable me to establish healthy boundaries with family, friends and in other relationships, so that we can all live peacefully with one another. Your will be done, Amen.
***
If you are into prose, check out the newest edition of my book, The Gift of a Rose: Witness to a Transformation (2004), now available on Amazon and at AuthorHouse.